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The Dysfunctional Family That Is The
Middle East:
A psychological perspective of the relationships
of the people
and countries of the Middle East in the last 100 years
This presentation was first presented on November
17, 2002 at Temple Menorah in Redondo Beach.
INTRODUCTION
The phenomenon that is the Middle East can be looked at in many different
ways: Politically, religiously, geopolitically, and psychologically. Having
been a Psychotherapist for the last 22 years and a student of human nature
all of my life, I would like to share some thoughts about the psychology of
the family that is the Middle East. This family and it's dysfunction have
caused much pain and agony to all members involved. As in all dysfunctional
families, there are causes and symptoms which have to be brought to the
surface so that a solution can be found. A "treatment plan" will only work
if the diagnosis is correct.
This presentation looks at the psychological causes and solutions to the
dysfunctions that are tearing
apart the family that is the Middle East.
FAMILY MEMBERS
Every family is comprised of members such as parents, children, relatives,
etc. The family of the Middle
East can also be looked at in the same way. Here are the members of the
family as I characterize them:
Father: United Nations is the father who needs parenting lessons in
order to manage his children
better.
Mother: Middle Eastern Desert is the mother who has been scarred by
many wars and has endured much pain of her children.
Siblings: Israelis and Palestinians are the children who have been
fighting each other for their own
reasons.
Uncles: These are a group of countries with direct influence over the
conflict. They are: Saudi Arabia,
the powerful uncle who is wealthy, manipulative, and works behind the scene
to nurture the hate and the
conflict. Iraq is the psychopathic uncle who has no impulse control and is
brutal. Syria is the grouchy
uncle who is consumed by hatred and revenge. Lebanon is the devastated uncle
whose good has been killed off and what remains is his viciousness. Iran is
the sociopathic uncle who is focused on hate and
destruction, mostly of his nephew Israel. Epypt is the uncle who spreads
hate over the family . Jordan
is the calmer uncle who has always been at odds with his Palestinian side;
Jordanian Palestinians opposed the Hashemite ruling family of Jordan.
There are other relatives (countries) in the region who are not as directly
involved in the dysfunction of
the family. As you notice I see the characters as mostly males because men
have generally carried out
the wars in the world.
HISTORY OF THE REGION
The Middle East region was ruled by the Turks for hundreds of years until
WWI when Europe defeated the Turks and drove away the Ottoman rulers. Europe
divided the desert up into different nations. Iraq, Syria, Lebanon and
Transjordan were created in 1921 by a British and French mandate shortly
after WWI. Saudi Arabia was founded in 1932. The Jews were promised a
homeland also but it did not happen until 1948.
Nazi Germany brought unspeakable cruelty and death to the European Jews and
others. The abuse the Jews suffered in the hands of their previous
caretakers (Europe) was beyond human understanding. In 1948 the remaining
Jews finally got their wish for a homeland and belonging. Father UN helped
find a new home for his child, the Jews. Israel was established shortly
after WWII by a British and French mandate.
In 1948 The child Israel was introduced to the child Arabs. There was not a
state or a nation called Palestine at that time. 80% of Arab Palestinians
were citizens of Transjordan. The establishment of Israel created the first
wave of Arab refugees. However 62% of the Arabs who were living in the areas
set aside for the Jews, by the United Nations, left peacefully because the
Arab League, consisting of 22 nations, suggested and encouraged Arab
Palestinians to leave for their safety.
The League, unhappy with a Jewish State in their midst, had in mind to
eradicate the Jews so that the Palestinian Arabs could go back and have it
all from the river to the sea. That is why the majority of Arab Palestinians
left the Jewish assigned land voluntarily. Some Palestinians stayed and
fought the Jews, some were driven out by war and others became citizens of
Israel. Today Israel has a sizeable Arab population who benefit from an open
society which offers them all the liberties of a democratic society.
Israel has fought back Arabs determined to destroy him several times since
1948. In 1967 Israel fought back five Arab nations and their armies and won.
Transjordan, one of the losers in this war, ended up
discarding his Palestinian population living in the West Bank of Jordan,
(West of the Jordan River).
Transjordan then became Jordan, minus it's Arab Palestinian population;
hence, the start of the Palestinian refugees from Jordan which was four
times larger than from Israel.
Today the Arab League consists of 22 countries who are all Moslem. Not all
Moslem nations are Arabs, such as Iran, Turkey, Pakistan, and Afghanistan.
There is only one non-Islamic country in the Middle East and that is Israel.
92% of the people of the Middle East are Moslems, 6% of the population is
Christians, and 2% are Jewish.
THE INFLUENCE OF THE NEW SIBLING
The new sibling (Jews) was introduced to the older sibling (Arab
Palestinians) in 1948. The older sibling immediately felt dethroned, much
like in any other family. Brother Arab could not share the mother desert
with his new brother the Jews. The sibling rivalry started immediately after
the establishment of
the state of Israel in May of 1948. One brother felt displaced and decided
to annihilate the other, while
the other brother tried to heal and survive. Obviously the fighting
goes on, thanks partly to incompetent parenting by the United Nations and lack of willingness to
coexist.
The Arab family (countries) was never fond of their Jewish population.
Shortly after the Jews were given
a homeland, Arabs expelled their Jewish citizens without any of their
belongings. They were assimilated and found a new home in Israel. About
600,000 to 800,000 Jewish refugees were created shortly after Israeli
independence. The stories of oppression they endured under the Arab rulers
and societies are well documented. The bias against and the hatred toward
the Jews were hidden fairly well from the outside world prior to 1948.
Countries like Iraq, Egypt, Yemen, Syria, Saudi Arabia, etc. severely
restricted the liberty of their Jewish population. Jews were
humiliated, tortured, persecuted, and were generally considered subhuman.
In contrast to Jewish refugees who found a new home in Israel, there were
absolutely no plans to assimilate the Arab refugees from Israel. 20% of the
total refugees came from Israel in 1948 and 80% of the total refugees came
from Jordan in 1967. The Arab League consciously decided against
repatriating the refugees back into the Arab world. The thinking behind the
plan to keep the refugees in the camps was twofold: Arab Palestinians would
fight the Arab war against the new "kid on the block" and the conflict could
be used in different ways to help the Arab regimes stay in power. The
frustration of the Arab masses with their lives has been directed to the conflict
between the Palestinians and the Jews, offering the annihilation of the Jews
as the solution to all problems.
The Arab family continued feeding the hatred and conflict and used their
little nephew, the Palestinians in the front line of their war to destroy
Israel. The assimilation of the Palestinians into any of the Arab countries
of the region with a common language, culture, and religion would have been
in the best interest of all members of the family. The Arab League, however,
kept the Palestinians out in the cold, with the promise that after we get
rid of your little brother, Israel, you can go back and have it all. The
family ensured that their Palestinian nephews stayed in camps without any
dignity. The family of Arab countries did not like the idea of having a
Jewish state close to them, so much so that they decided to sacrifice their
nephew, the Arab Palestinians.
The phenomenon of the "black sheep" can explain the relationship of all the
members of the family to the new sibling (the Jews). The new child is very
different from all other members. At the heart of that difference lies
his religion (Judaism) which has been put down by Arabs for centuries.
Israel is clearly the black sheep in the Middle East family. It is the
sibling who is different and therefore hated, put down, and punished. The
child who is identified (consciously or unconsciously) as the black sheep of
the family receives all the negativity that the family does not want to
face. All problems are seen as the fault of the child who does not fit.
Israel obviously does not fit with the rest of the family. He values
liberty, freedom of expression, elected government, etc. whereas the rest of
the family does not.
It has been very difficult for the family to admit that they could learn
some lessons from the new and young child on the block. By it's existence as
well as it's accomplishments Israel, the new child, has
highlighted the Arab failures; the failure to provide functional, open, and
productive societies.
The mindset of the uncles has always been to get rid of the new child so
that they can go back to business as usual. And what is business as usual?
Keeping themselves in power through controlling every aspect of the life of
their population. I believe most people want to live a dignified life.
Repression and control take dignity away from people; the result is
resentment and anger (to say the least) which will find a way to express
itself. These reactions have been carefully directed to the new child who is
not like the rest. In other words, people are told that your enemy is the
Jews, and if we get rid of that black sheep in the family everything will be
all right.
HISTORY OF THE CONFLICT
It is "easy" to explain the problem in this troubled region by addressing
the occupation, land, or control
of holy places. However if we don't understand and address the underlying
problem of this dysfunctional
family, we may never resolve the conflict. At the source of the problem lies
chronic hatred, a pervasive feeling that has been systematically created,
fostered, and nurtured by the Arabs/Moslems against the Jews for centuries.
Where does this hatred come from and how did it get started? One has to go
back to the 7th century AD.
The Arabian desert was then occupied by the nomads. The major
religions practiced in that part of the
world, at that time, were Zoroastrianism and Judaism. Some of the
nomads practiced no particular religion but worshiped nature. The prophet
Mohammad brought forth a new religion to the desert, called Islam. He
persuaded most of the people of the desert to accept his religion. The
prophet was not able to convert most Jews to this new vision, therefore the
Jews fell out of favor with him.
Arabs continue to dislike the Jews for just being Jews. The collective hate
for the Jews has been passed down from generation to generation. This hatred
is emphasized in all walks of life and nourished through the state
controlled media, school, and places of worship. Moslems fundamentalists ruled the Middle
East for a few hundred years until the Turks took over. Jews seemed to
have had an easier life under Turkish rulers. Moslems ruled the desert again
after the Turks were defeated by Europe. The Middle East "pot of
hatred" has been cooking for hundreds of years. The pot started boiling in
1948 and that is what we are experiencing now. How much longer will it boil?
THE DYSFUNCTION OF THE FAMILY
The dysfunction in the family manifests differently in different members.
Israelis are the original foster child of the world. Except for
biblical times, they have not had a
national identity of their own. They have tried to survive under various
governments for thousands of
years and have not been in a position to govern themselves. As a result
there have not been any opportunities for the Jews to practice conflict
resolution on a national and international level. Today this lack of
experience and "maturity" get in the way of resolving their conflicts
constructively.
Palestinians (the other sibling) contribute to the dysfunction in a
different way. As I mentioned earlier, 80% of Palestinians were Jordanian,
and 20% were from what became Israel. The rejection that this sibling, the
Arab refugees, has felt for the past 54 years has translated into blind hate
and rejection of
the new brother. Palestinians did not feel protected by the "elders" in the
family. None of uncles
assimilated and helped Palestinians; in many instances, these countries
actually refused
citizenship to Palestinians. This sibling has been left out in the cold and
has grown into a hateful,
fearful, and self destructive member of the family.
The calculating uncles have their roles to play in this dysfunction. These
uncles rule over their own dysfunctional families (countries) by repressing
the people's humanity and creativity. They control every aspect of the family's
existence, while feeding them hatred for others. The uncles have another,
deeper pathology that they have to resolve: Fundamentalist versus moderate
approaches to running their households. Saudi Arabia, the powerful
uncle with his Wahhabi influence, is the champion of the systematic
implementation of repression, terror, and mind control. The uncles are
committed to fanning the flames of hate. If only that passion and energy for
hate, nurtured so carefully and methodically, would be directed to building
their societies, there would be more peace in the family.
PSYCHOLOGICAL RESOLUTION OF THE CONFLICT
The family continues to be highly dysfunctional and in need of help to sort
out and resolve their issues.
The original family solution of obliterating the new sibling has not been
successful, not due to lack of
trying however. The sibling rivalry goes on and each brother has his own
pain and issues to resolve. The
uncles have directed this family dysfunction since 1948. It is time to
redirect their energies, accept
the existence of the new kid on the block, and use their vast resources to
energize their populations
toward construction rather than destruction. The long-term solution of this
complex problem, however,
lies in the reduction of rampant, illogical, and all- consuming hatred which
is at the base of this
dysfunction. But how do they reduce hate?
By accepting the premise that hate is destructive and leaves no room to grow
into your potentials. By
taking out slander, propaganda, and lies against Jews from the textbooks and
printed media. By speaking words of love in the service of God and humanity
instead of incitement to hatred and violence against other people who are
different and may pray differently. By turning sermons into what serves all
children of God rather than alienating non believers (non-Moslems). By
programming truth, diversity, and positive education into the radio and
television shows rather than encouraging hate and glorifying martyrdom, even
in children's shows and songs. By stopping funds to hate-teaching-schools
around the world and diverting it to positive-education-schools. By leaving
the religion to the clerics and government to politicians. And finally by
looking within and listening to the voice of reason, friendship, and
coexistence and ultimately deciding to live and prosper in a peaceful and
loving world where people of all religions can respect each other's beliefs.
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